Probably the worst day of my life

Today, the world fell apart. 

I’ve never been so depressed before. Not even when Ah Gong passed away. Yes I’m a heartless bitch. Because this concerns my future (or the lack thereof), so you could say that I’m selfish because my life matters more to me. 

My CAP turned out to be the worst nightmare I could ever have. 

It’s so bad that I can’t imagine my future at all. I can’t even imagine myself going to school next year, which is in a few days’ time. 

I calculated my CAP. My current CAP does not allow me to go to the honors track. I could, if I can get straight As for my remaining 3 semesters. HIGHLY IMPOSSIBLE. Yes, I can try to work harder and try to achieve it, but this goal is really unrealistic. Simply unrealistic. 

For the entire day, I locked myself into the toilet for a few times. I cried. The toilet is the only place for me to cry, because no one should see me cry. I really cannot imagine myself staying in NUS.

The only option was for me to transfer to NTU. I really made a stupid mistake by enrolling to NUS when I knew that it doesn’t provide direct honors. But wasting 2 years of my life and getting an honors in NTU is more rational than graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in NUS and being jobless in the future, for the rest of my life. 

So yes, I’ve made up my mind to transfer school.

I told my parents about this, and all I got was them lashing out at me. Hey folks, can’t you see that I’m feeling worse than shit right now and you’re still blaming me for everything. 

My mum thinks that

1. it’s because I always sleep late, so she made me sleep before 12am

No this is pure rubbish. In fact, I think I could have scored better if she let me stay up late. I’m a night person, can’t she understand this point? I spent so much time sleeping when I should have been studying.

2. it’s because I always play with my phone and not concentrating.

Yes I admit this is partly my fault. But during exam period I studied hard enough and using my phone for a while shouldn’t be a problem! Okay, I shall not keep finding excuses. 

Anyway she also blamed it on me listening to music when doing work. You see what I mean…? Parents always jump into conclusions. FYI, the music I’m listening to is STUDY MUSIC. I’m not listening to the “trashy kpop songs” that you always think I’m listening to. And she complained that I listen through my inner earphones and not the radio. Excuse me, this is to block out all unwanted sounds so that the study music can help me concentrate better. 

3. There is something wrong with my study method.

I can’t disagree with this but I don’t know what’s wrong, honestly.

4. I was from a good JC but how come my results have been deteriorating for the past few years?

I really don’t know. Honestly, I do my best for every exam. I’ll do whatever I can. 

But this is also not true. My mum only remembers the bad events, last semester I improved a bit but no one cared. 


There’s no such thing as retaking modules in NUS. So it means the only way for me to start anew is to transfer to NTU.

There are 2 options for me right now:

1. Stay in NUS, graduate with a Bachelor’s degree.

2. Leave NUS, transfer to NTU, start on a clean slate, work hard, graduate with Honors. 


I could change faculty in NUS too, but I really love psychology and nothing else. 

2 years wasted, but I really hope life can give me a second chance.

My CAP in NUS have been screwed up since first sem. It was already a bad omen to start with. During finals period at that time, I spent most of my time in the hospital, visiting my family members. The emotional turmoil was already taking its toll on me. 

For this current semester, I screwed up. Yes I know it’s my fault. I kind of overloaded. But really, I felt that some papers in the finals were manageable. I don’t know what went wrong.

I feel like dying. 

But of course I don’t have the guts to commit suicide or anything.

I know there’s always a way out. 

But I have to find that way.

And I still can’t find it.


Please give me some advice!

B.A.P Live On Earth Singapore

As I’ve mentioned before, I won myself a ticket to B.A.P’s Live On Earth Singapore Cat 4 ($128) from meclub. After yesterday’s event, I was kinda desensitized already. I didn’t feel much excitement about seeing B.A.P since I saw them really close up yesterday, and today’s seats were pretty far from the stage so I wasn’t expecting much.

I wanted to go to the Star Vista earlier, because I saw tweets from ProtectBapSG that they would be giving out free fan goodies, but Mummy bought durians and insisted that I should eat it before leaving, so in the end I reached the mall at around 4pm. There were many Babys at the amphitheatre where they were practising fanchants. Most of the Babys were little girls, probably secondary school girls, so I felt a bit out of place there :/

I saw a few green hand-banners, so I decided to ask for one. The admins were really kind, they gave out SO MANY banners and finger lights. Somewhere at the back, someone started giving out photo cards. There was so much chaos (you know how crazy some fans can get, just to get what they want) but I didn’t want to go crazy with them, so I waited patiently at the side and even thanked the admin for giving the card to me. *such a polite girl heehee* There was a long queue for merchandise at Level 3. If I had money, I would like to buy B.A.P’s BADMAN album, their hoodie, their matoki lightstick and the whistle! A few Babys were surprised to know that the albums would be on sale today because B.A.P hasn’t officially launched their album yet. And the albums are AUTOGRAPHED by a random member. WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Jo came at around 5pm, so we went to get some snacks at Texas Chicken. There were a few Babys around us, we could hear them talking about the boys :D Meanwhile, daehyun and himchan tweeted. Daehyun left us with a handsome selca while himchan posted a pic of the seats in the theatre!

At 5.45pm, we made our way to the Star Theatre. There was a long queue of Babys in front of us so we had to wait patiently while we entered the building. By the time we reached Level 10, we only had one minute left before the doors close, so we were running along the corridor with other Babys, frantically trying to find our seats.

Our seats turned out to be pretty good! From the seating plan, it seemed like our seats are all the way at the back, but the view was unobstructed and the theatre was small so we weren’t far from the stage as well. This is my first CONCERT ever, so I was quite excited!

As soon as we settled down, the screen began to show B.A.P’s introduction videos. It was soooooo cool because this introduction video is different from those showed in previous LOEs! They probably did a new version because Singapore is their final stop before their Seoul encore stage and Singapore was the first country B.A.P traveled to, so this place bears some fond memories to them too.

Just then, B.A.P appeared!!!! Babys started screaming madly, and I did too! I couldn’t control my excitement! They sang songs like Warrior, What the Hell, No Mercy. Sorry I can’t remember the song order! They had a short ment in between… so it was time for the “Body Scanner” segment!

Everyone chanted “Yongguk” and he went up on stage. He was described as a “singing rapper”, so everyone requested for him to sing. Yongguk sang Secret’s YOOHOO and danced along to it!!! SO CUTE!!!!! (i kept telling Jo that the boys are so cute, i think i said the word “cute” 1000 times today).

Next was Himchan’s turn. His specialty is mimicking Yongguk. At first he just said “CHYEAH” which was kinda fail… so Babys told him to show another one. He tried to imitate Yongguk’s rap in Power but he couldn’t remember the lyrics, so he made yongguk rap it once and then he tried to learn it on the spot. LOL. Himchan! Talents cannot be learned like that!

Then it was Daehyun’s turn. Yongguk said he’s the main vocal but he can also do LTE raps. So Daehyun did Zelo’s rap and it was PERFECT. Zelo was so cute! He said “WOW he rapped better than me!”

Youngjae’s turn… They made youngjae do a sexy dance and he danced to Billy Jeans! He was so cute and squishy and idk… I didn’t really like youngjae at first, but he looks really HANDSOME in real life. His complexion is the most perfect among BAP. You can zoom in on his pictures and find that there is not a single blemish on his face.

Now… Jongup’s turn. Seriously, when did Moon Jongup become so handsome?? I really love his short dark hair! (It was originally dyed blue when he departed from korea but it turned black in Singapore… I think the color was washed off). I love his tanned skin and toned body! He did a dance for Babys as his talent during the Body Scanner segment. He looks really cool and hot… this sounds funny but yeahhh that is what he really is. He spoke English in such a cute way too. I really don’t know why I love this boy so much, he’s such an adorable kid! I just feel like protecting him lol… maybe I should adopt him as my younger brother since he’s the same age as my sis. heehee

Finally, it was Zelo’s turn! Apparently he moonwalked up the stage but I didnt notice it cos I was telling my friend how cute Zelo was. Fans requested for him to do gwiyomi so he did his own version of that.

And then Babys started chanting “Yongguk” but Yongguk became shy and tried to change the chant to “Youngjae”. In the end, Babys won and Yongguk did a really cute gwiyomi! Babys weren’t satisfied so we shouted Daehyun’s name as well. He did a short gwiyomi and he gave up halfway. lol.

Babys wanted to chant Himchan’s name too, but I think B.A.P had to move on to their next performance, so we decided to keep quiet.

After the body scanner, Daehyun and Yongguk’s duet? I’m not sure about the song order. Anyway, Yongguk was really emotional and aggressive during this song. He sounded like he put in more expression for this performance than any other perfs in previous LOEs. I love the way he puts his heart, mind and soul into his raps :D I wanted to cry along with him! Daehyun changed a few of the high notes, and his voice was as breath-taking as usual.

Next up, Secret Love? During this song, Youngjae sang a few notes wrongly, but its okay :D Mistakes like this makes concerts more memorable haha. Didn’t really pay much attention to this song because I didn’t like this song.
After this was Rain Sound. I love this song! Jo loves it too. Haha she doesnt like all of bap’s songs though! I kept singing along with them (:

Next, Youngjae and Daehyun sang their duet cover of I Believe I Can Fly. This was one of the few songs which i was looking forward to. I watched some fancams on youtube and was so mesmerized by their singing! Youngjae didn’t sing the first line of the chorus. Instead, he passed the mic to Babys and told us to sing :D It was a heartwarming sight… Babys were waving their white lights and green matoki lightsticks. I really love both of their voices! Daehyun’s high note was very strong and Youngjae’s voice was thick and fluid. Voices of perfection indeed (:

Next up, the maknae line! Jongup and Zelo danced to Teach Me How To Dougie and Never Give Up. They can dance really well!!! Jongup was really hot omg. I should stop saying this. I SOUND LIKE A PEDO. I was kinda worried about Jongup’s safety everytime he does the flip, but I’m glad he completed this Pacific Tour without any injuries! Zelo was so cute~♥ they changed the “clap left to right , clap right to left” part. Instead of clapping each other’s hands they just clapped on their own. Lol.
After this was Sexy Clap! DJ BANG IN THE HOUSE! He was so sexy during the deejaying part! “YOU’RE SO SEXY. YOU’RE SO SEXY” those are lyrics of that song, but I really wanted to tell Bang that. Himchan joined Yongguk on stage and both of them were crazily jumping on the stage. I recorded an audio of this cos TS doesn’t want to release an official version of this!!!!!
They showed a short clip of the sick and suffering on the screen, but this dampened our moods quite a bit ):

After the subgroup’s performances, the boys finally returned on stage with One Shot! I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO WATCH THEM PERFORM THIS LIVE! They were so amazing!!!! Especially Daehyun’s high note!

Next up, Punch and Fight for Freedom! After that was Power! Yongguk’s mic suddenly had no sound so we couldn’t hear him but at least we know B.A.P doesn’t lip synch! A staff came out and handed him another mic immediately but some fans said yongguk looked a bit pissed cos he missed his entire rap due to the faulty mic. Babys wanted to sing his part for him but no one knew the lyrics…

After that, the boys went backstage while the camera crew started having fun with Babys, filming them and showing their faces in the screen and asking them to dance and then they will be rewarded by a score from B.A.P. Quite cute heehee (:

Next song… My First Kiss! The boys started stripping lol. Daehyun Youngjae Zelo and Jongup took off their leather jackets… and guess what… Himchan took off his too! I could see that he was debating whether to take it all off, because in previous LOEs, he only took off his jackets till his elbows. But today he finally took it ALL off!!!!! (Just for me right… ♥) Yongguk and Zelo didnt take off their jackets!!! But Yongguk made it up by swaying his hips and doing a sexy dance to the fans during the song. Zelo was so cute when he rushed up to Youngjae who was singing at the edge of the stage and carried him back to the middle of the stage. Himchan apparently attempted to kiss Daehyun but he didn’t. Lol.

B.A.P then thanked the audience and said that they have one song left. (Duh we know you still have an encore!!!!) So they sang Goodbye… it sounded a bit sad, and I was a little teary… it sounded like a bittersweet farewell when they sang it, with confetti falling from the ceilings and they even thanked the fans to make it seem like a real closure.

B.A.P left the stage after that song. Babys wanted to chant “encore” but i guess we were all very shy cos the chant died halfway, and then ppl started chanting “B.A.P” but that died off too… it was so awkward lol. Just then, they started showing another video on the screen, asking if Babys want to press the “Off” button. Babys can’t chant encore but we can scream very well. We all cheered for B.A.P to come out again.

Then poof, the door slid open and out came B.A.P in their hoodies. They sang Coma, which is my fav song in their One Shot album and I really love their performance for this song! I helped them sing the Jieun part heehee. I think Singapore Babys are quite weird cos no one sang that part except me. All the Babys in other countries sang that part leh!!! The camera man also zoomed in on their chests during the heartbeat part.

After Coma was Dancing in the Rain. And then Hajima. It was towards the end of the performance already, so I took out my finger light again and waved my arm to the beat of the song as I sang out loud.

StrongBabe reappeared but he only took pics of the Babys in front! ): bad strongbabe.
The final song was Crash. I really shouted out that song and danced along to the “help me help me” part. Everyone was in high spirits and we were all dancing to the song! Some Babys in the Cat 1 area ran up to the edge of the stage and soon the first level became a mosh pit. Youngjae and jongup high fived fans at the side of the stage! Omggggg everything went crazy downstairs. Someone threw a Tigger sweater on stage and Yongguk picked it up and placed it on his shoulder! He looked damn cute with his snapback on. On the other hand, Zelo threw his towel to the third row of fans. Lucky girl!!!!
Soon it really came to an end. StrongBabe got a photographer to help us take a pic together. Himchan said “One Two Three, say Kimchi~~” really cutely. I turned on my white light to mark my position. Hahaa.

Then it was really the end… B.A.P called out everyone in their crew and bowed to the fans and then they vanished backstage.

I heard they went to the airport very quickly,cos they have another Music Bank recording tomorrow afternoon.

These two days have been like a dream come true for me.
The reason for my lengthy fan account is that I don’t want to miss out any information so that I can retain this piece of memory in my mind forever. ♥
Thanks B.A.P for being so adorable during the concert and for everything. It was really awesome spending time with you guys! All the best for BADMAN promotions! ~♥

Aftermath of B.A.P’s press con


I couldn’t fall asleep and was WIDE AWAKE because the memory of the press conference was still fresh in my mind. The whole experience was like a dream. I have never gone for concerts, or seen any korean idols in person, so this whole thing felt so surreal to me. From the moment I saw Yongguk on stage, I felt like I fell into a deep trance, I can’t even recall how I went home yesterday. I was just so overwhelmed by the experience!

I was still awake at 3am… I was trying to get to sleep, but my mum started coughing non-stop so I was wide awake again… kept thinking about B.A.P and looking at the pics I uploaded on facebook. SO HANDSOME. omygosh. I only fell asleep at about 4+ in the morning… the latest I’ve stayed up so far this year.

Anyway, I rewatched the press conference again, here are some stuff which I’ve missed out during the press conference:

Jongup voted Himchan as the Badman and Leader Yongguk as the Goodman. (actually everyone was shouting Jongup’s name when he was thinking about who to nominate for the Goodman of B.A.P, as you know, Jongup’s nickname is Moon Angel.) Himchan laughed and gave a proud expression when Jongup called him the Nappeun Namja of B.A.P. On the other hand, Yongguk just lowered his head and smiled shyly. Yongguk is really ironic… his siblings are so ah-beng and badass… he tries to be gangster-like too, but he’s really moralistic?? He even writes lyrics on current affairs to teach youngsters moral values! I really feel that I’ve learnt a lot from Yongguk’s lyrics. B.A.P’s songs always have hidden messages, which are really meaningful when you think about it.

Youngjae mentioned that they will perform their new songs during LOE SG (which is TODAY! *screams*) I really hope they’ll perform Hurricane, cos that song sounds so club-ish… It will surely set the LOOF on fire!!!! Btw, TS changed Himchan’s pronunciation in Hurricane in their new album. No more Loof. Which is awkward. I prefer the “loof” version cos I’ll always sing that part along with Himchan.

I heard that B.A.P went all the way to Yio Chu Kang Grassroots Club for dinner?? HEY I WAS THERE BEFORE. How I wish I could see them again! I was really smitten by them yesterday <3

I shall be heading down to The Star Theatre later on! I think yesterday’s close encounter with the boys should be better than today’s, since my seat is all the way on the THIRD FLOOR omg. HOW TO SEE THEM. GRRRRR. So today i shall just sit back and really enjoy their music. I’m looking forward to their new performances because I’ve already watched LOE in SF, NY and HK which had the same content! Hopefully their “body scanner” segment would be more fun this time round :D

A few days ago, I was addicted to Infinite, but after yesterday’s press conference, I’m pretty sure I would want to remain as a Baby forever <3 It was truly a great experience meeting them live, they were really unbelievably stunning!



B.A.P Press Conference in Singapore

As you might have already known, I have used up my Star Points to redeem a fan pass to B.A.P’s press conference in Singapore, hence I was able to enter the reserved area without having to queue for hours. In fact, I only waited for about 2 hours before I could see the boys. I went to City Square Mall at around 5.20pm as the redemption time was stated as 5.30pm. There was already a long queue in front of the meclub staff when I got there. I felt a little awkward as I was alone and the rest of the girls in front of me were xiaomeimeis.

At around 6.15pm, the staff came to give us a green tag which said “V.I.P” (no its not for a Big Bang press con) and led us to the reserved area. The fans behind were lamenting and complaining but I DON’T CARE. My spot was better than the rest of the poor fans at the back, who couldn’t see a thing cos the stage wasn’t elevated high enough. I didn’t have a good view either ): But I was better off than so many other people, so I shall stop complaining here.

Time was ticking very slowly… my bag was getting heavier and heavier.


They started playing B.A.P’s Fight For Freedom and the whole crowd SCREAMED. It was nice to see all the Babys singing together :D Then B.A.P’s Power, What the Hell, and Voice Message were played in the mall as well. They repeated the same songs again. (lol, don’t they have other songs??)

After a while, the emcee came out and asked the Babys to scream as he called out the members’ names (but not the members yet). I wanted to punch him when he called Zelo “Zee-loh” and then there was Daehyun which was pronounced as “Dae-hoon” oh my goodness. Babys laughed and corrected him though.

AND FINALLY, the boys appeared on stage. It was such a frenzy cos people started snapping away with their cameras and I took a few seconds to finally get a hold of myself. I saw yongguk first, then I came to my senses and took a look at the rest of them. Daehyun was seated at my side. He was SOOOOOOO handsome in real life!!! Okay let me break it down for you.

From left to right (closest to farthest away from me):

Daehyun – He was so handsome, ohmygosh, even though he wasn’t my bias before the press con, I immediately named him as my bias the moment I saw him. He was really really good looking. He kept smiling at Babys and killing us all.

Jongup – He looked like he’s gonna cry… my poor babymoon. lol. He looks kinda terrified, probably because of all the pedonoonas in front of him. The only moment he looked cheerful was during the photo time when B.A.P appeared in front of the crowd the second time. He smiled so cutely omygosh. I couldn’t stop staring at his arms. He was tan and buff, same as daehyun and yongguk. Jongup is really hot in real life too <3

Himchan – I didn’t really like his hair and his makeup for the day. It made him look old and sickly… idk… Himchan is my bias, especially during the One Shot period, he looked so handsome, but today, he looked a bit anorexic?? But he’s still cute, nonetheless. This guy couldn’t keep his hands off Jongup. Who could, anyway?

Yongguk – WHOAAA he’s really manly in real life. He looks like a hunk??? hahaa really handsome! I love his tan! He looks so charming, I’m lost for words… I couldn’t even pay attention to his answers… He was just so charismatic… as expected, our Leader Bang is really cool :D

Youngjae and Zelo – I couldn’t really see them properly cos they were on the other side of the stage, but they were really handsome. Both of them had such beautiful complexion, they were literally GLOWING. Zelo was really cute when he came out from backstage for the photo time.

Daehyun was smiling and waving in all directions and he even threw a heart to the Babys! Such an adorable kid!

Yongguk answered most of the press questions, which I didn’t pay much attention to, because I was stunned by the boys’ appearance. He said that Singaporean Babys are pretty. (aww… tsk i’m sure you said this to every single country)

Anyway, the press conference was pretty short. Less than half an hour; about 4-5 questions from the reporters.

The emcee said that the boys have not taken their dinner yet, and would like to eat chili crab for dinner later. He also said that they would sing their new songs tomorrow at the concert!!!! (idk if i heard it correctly or not, but I’m hoping thats the case)

One reporter asked a question about “who is the Badman in BAP” and Jongup replied “HImchan hyung”.

THAT WAS SO ADORABLE!!!!! ^^ nappeun namja: himchan hyung. hahahaa

Anyway, I had a reallyyyyyy great time seeing them in person. Never thought I would be THIS close to them.

I’ve already watermarked my photos and will upload it on my new tumblr account tomorrow :D (when i wake up, I mean… its already 12.40am)

Hopefully the boys will get a good rest cos they all look so tired. Good luck for the concert tomorrow! See you!!!! ~~ :D

Tweet from TS_Enter (@TS_Enter)

TS_Enter (@TS_Enter) tweeted at 3:35 PM on Fri, Jul 19, 2013:
★숨은 마토키 찾기 이벤트★

B.A.P 공연 속 숨어있는 마토키를 모두 찾아주세요! 정답자 중 추첨을 통해 B.A.P가 준비한 선물을 드립니다. 아래 내용을 참고하시고, 당첨 기회를 높일 수 있는…

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